Let's play a mating game。

讓我們來(lái)玩一個(gè)配對(duì)游戲吧。

Put 100 men and 100 women in a sealed room. On each person's forehead, write a random number from 1 to 10, and call that their 'attractiveness'。

把100個(gè)男人和100個(gè)女人關(guān)在一個(gè)封閉的房間里。在每個(gè)人的額頭上，隨機(jī)寫(xiě)下從1到10之間的一個(gè)數(shù)字，將這個(gè)數(shù)字作為他們的“魅力值”。

You're not able to see the number on your forehead, and no-one will tell you what it is either. The game is to pair up with the highest ranked person of the opposite sex that you can。

你看不見(jiàn)自己額頭上的數(shù)字，別人也不會(huì)把這個(gè)數(shù)字告訴你。游戲規(guī)則就是：盡可能與排名最高(數(shù)字最大)的異性配對(duì)。

Ready? Go。

準(zhǔn)備好了嗎?開(kāi)始吧!

Pretty much immediately, any nines and tens are surrounded by huge crowds vying for their attention。

不一會(huì)兒，所有額頭上數(shù)字為九和十的人都都被人群包圍了，人人都來(lái)爭(zhēng)奪他們的注意。

If the crowds flock towards you, you know your score must be pretty damn good. If strangers flee as you approach – not so much。

如果人群都朝你蜂擁而來(lái)，那就說(shuō)明你的魅力值很不錯(cuò)。如果人們?cè)谀憧拷鼤r(shí)都躲開(kāi)，則說(shuō)明你的魅力值不怎么高。

People will lower their expectations when rebuffed, and raise them when surrounded. If every single person you meet wants to pair with you, you'll probably never settle for less than a ten。當(dāng)人遭到拒絕時(shí)，他們的期待值就會(huì)降低，而當(dāng)他們被其他人包圍時(shí)，期待值就會(huì)升高。如果你遇到的每個(gè)人都想和你配成一對(duì)兒，你大概再不會(huì)將魅力值低于十的人放在眼里了。

But for everyone else, you're forced to guess and gamble. And the clue to your attractiveness is how needy other people act around you。

但是除了這種人之外，其他人都不得不通過(guò)猜測(cè)和試探來(lái)了解自己的魅力值。猜測(cè)的線索就是其他人在你面前的反應(yīng)。

Conversely, if someone is aloof with their affections, they probably think they can do better. They may also be wrong, but in both cases we're wired to interpret this as feedback on our own attractiveness. You’re trying to guess the number on your head, and their feedback is all you have。

相反的，如果有人因自己的魅力值而孤芳自賞，他們很可能會(huì)提高自己的配對(duì)要求。也許他們對(duì)自己的魅力值估計(jì)錯(cuò)誤，但無(wú)論如何，我們都會(huì)把他們?cè)谧约好媲暗姆磻?yīng)理解成是對(duì)我們自身的魅力值的反饋。你努力想猜出自己額頭上的數(shù)字，而他們的反應(yīng)是你僅有的線索。

You can't help being influenced by this, and it's one reason why 'playing it cool' is such an attractive trait, even if it's such an easily contrived one. Being needy essentially says 'you're so much better than me, please pick me'. Not a great sales pitch。

你不禁因他們的反應(yīng)而受到影響，這就是為什么“耍酷”是一種吸引人的氣質(zhì)的原因之一，即使這種氣質(zhì)可能是基于錯(cuò)誤的猜測(cè)。而表現(xiàn)的過(guò)于迫切實(shí)質(zhì)上就是在說(shuō)“你比我有魅力多了，拜托你選中我吧。”這種營(yíng)銷(xiāo)策略可不好。

Neediness is repulsive because we've evolved to recognise it as a bad signal. It's like a fear of spiders or scorpions: a primal instinct which protects our best interests, even if we don't understand why. If this strikes you as depressing and soulless, take heart。

表現(xiàn)的過(guò)于迫切會(huì)令人反感，因?yàn)樵谌祟?lèi)的進(jìn)化史上，我們傾向于將其視為一種負(fù)面信號(hào)。這就像人類(lèi)對(duì)蜘蛛和蝎子的恐懼一樣，是一種人類(lèi)保護(hù)自身最大利益的原始本能，盡管我們不明白個(gè)中緣由。如果這個(gè)事實(shí)讓你深受打擊、失魂落魄，就請(qǐng)鼓起勇氣振作起來(lái)吧!

Real life has a few extra qualities that make it less of a one-dimensional meat market. For one: all numbers can change. But most of all: everyone sees a slightly different number when they look at each other。

真正的生活還有少數(shù)其它的特征，這些特征讓人們?cè)趯?shí)際交往中從多維度做出判斷。其一即是，所有人的魅力值都可能改變。最重要的是：當(dāng)人們看向彼此的時(shí)候，每個(gè)人所看到的數(shù)字也會(huì)不同。