First thing in the morning, I check Twitter, only to have it list off for me all the ways I’ve already fallen behind. A colleague has released a new e-book. Two of my design heroes are announcing a collaborative project. One of my old college buddies has posted a video trailer for an upcoming online program, and she looks phenomenal, polished, charismatic (I’m still in bed, bleary-eyed, and definitely not at my most telegenic。)
每天早晨，我的第一件事就是刷推特，因?yàn)樗鼤?huì)顯示出來(lái)在哪些事情上我已經(jīng)落后了。比如：我的同事已經(jīng)發(fā)布了一本新電子書(shū)，我崇拜的兩個(gè)設(shè)計(jì)英雄聲明一起合作項(xiàng)目，我的一個(gè)大學(xué)朋友在網(wǎng)上發(fā)布了一段即將上映的節(jié)目的視頻預(yù)告片，她看起來(lái)美貌驚人、閃閃發(fā)亮、充滿(mǎn)魅力(而我還窩在床上，睡眼惺忪，肯定是不能上鏡的。)
Am I really falling behind? Is anybody actually keeping score? Did any of these people post any of the updates with the intent of making me feel bad? Of course not. But if I’m not careful, it’s terribly easy to view my social media streams as a constant reminder of all the stuff I’m not doing and dreams I’m not fulfilling。
那么，我確實(shí)落后了嗎?其他人一直都在取得成績(jī)嗎?這些人發(fā)布的任何狀態(tài)更新都是為了刺激我?當(dāng)然不是。但是如果我不是很細(xì)心的話(huà)，那么很容易覺(jué)得我的社交媒體流一直在提醒我沒(méi)有做的事情和沒(méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)的夢(mèng)想。
This isn’t a social media problem. It’s a comparison problem. There isn’t a single thing about Twitter – or any of the other social media platforms I use – that’s designed to make me ask how I’m measuring up. That’s all me – an automatic, internal mechanism. It’s part ego (“But what does this say about me?”)， part creative drive (“What more am I capable of?”)， and part deep soul yearning (“How can I make an impact, leave a legacy, and matter?”)。
這其實(shí)不是社交媒體的問(wèn)題，這是一個(gè)攀比的問(wèn)題。推特以及我使用的其他社交媒體平臺(tái)本身沒(méi)有任何問(wèn)題，它們的設(shè)計(jì)初衷本就不是讓我用來(lái)進(jìn)行自我估量的。這都是我的問(wèn)題——自動(dòng)的內(nèi)部機(jī)制。一部分出于自我因素(“但這說(shuō)到了我什么?”)，一部分出于創(chuàng)新驅(qū)動(dòng)(“我還可以做到更多嗎?”)，還有一部分出于內(nèi)心深處的吶喊(“我如何才能產(chǎn)生影響、留下遺產(chǎn)并發(fā)揮作用?”)。
And I know it’s not just me. I’ve spent the past year collaborating with leadership coach Tanya Geisler on researching how comparison works, what it costs us, and what it can teach us – and we’ve discovered that it runs rampant among just about every creative, growth-oriented person we know. In our comparison-soaked culture, it’s hard to avoid looking around at what other people are doing with their short time on earth, and slipping (often unconsciously) into “How am I stacking up?” mode. Here’s what we learned:
我知道不僅僅是我存在這樣的問(wèn)題。去年一年我都在跟領(lǐng)導(dǎo)學(xué)教練坦妮婭·蓋斯勒合作研究攀比是如何發(fā)生的，它會(huì)讓我們付出怎樣的代價(jià)以及它教會(huì)了我們什么。我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，攀比心在創(chuàng)新型、增長(zhǎng)型的人身上蔓延比較迅速。在我們這樣一個(gè)充滿(mǎn)攀比的文化中，很難避免去跟其他人比較究竟他們?cè)诙虝r(shí)間內(nèi)做了什么，然后不由自主地進(jìn)入“我怎么獲得”的模式。我們的研究結(jié)果如下：
Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides
別拿自己的內(nèi)在和別人的外在來(lái)攀比
The first time I heard this excellent, if hard-to-implement, advice, I was suffering from a terrible case of envy. Some competitor or other had achieved an inspiring degree of success and I was complaining to a mentor about how unachievable it seemed to me. Her warning took me aback: Look, she told me, You have no idea what it took for them to get there. Don’t act like this was unearned, effortless, or pure dumb luck.And for Pete’s sake, don’t go thinking that because you read the press release, you have a single clue about what’s really going on behind the scenes。
我第一次聽(tīng)到這個(gè)優(yōu)秀的、但卻難以實(shí)施的建議時(shí)，我剛好在經(jīng)受一種可怕的嫉妒。當(dāng)看到一些競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手或其他人取得了令人歡欣鼓舞的成功時(shí)，我就向?qū)煴г乖谖铱磥?lái)是如何無(wú)法實(shí)現(xiàn)的。她的警告使我十分驚訝：看，她告訴我，你并不知道他們?yōu)楂@得成功付出了什么。不要總覺(jué)得這是不勞而獲、毫不費(fèi)力的，或者純粹的狗屎運(yùn)。不要再那樣想了，因?yàn)槟阋豢催@個(gè)消息的時(shí)候，你就只想到了一點(diǎn)，而不會(huì)考慮到他們背后發(fā)生了什么。
She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:
她是絕對(duì)正確的。我其實(shí)知道，然而在聽(tīng)到消息的那一刻，我卻成了反動(dòng)思考和過(guò)于簡(jiǎn)單化的犧牲品。因?yàn)榭吹絼e人達(dá)到目標(biāo)、嫉妒他們所取得的成功時(shí)，更容易做出這樣的反應(yīng)，而不是反問(wèn)自己一些問(wèn)題：
What do they have that I wish I had?
他們擁有什么我希望擁有的東西?
What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?
我羨慕他們身上的什么?他們給我做出了什么樣的榜樣?
What have they done to get where they are today?
為了今天的收獲他們付出了什么?
How does this relate to my own values?
這點(diǎn)是如何與我自己的價(jià)值觀相關(guān)的?
When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears。
當(dāng)我們反思這些問(wèn)題的時(shí)候，我們就會(huì)立即從攀比的模式當(dāng)中切換回來(lái)，面對(duì)我們內(nèi)心的問(wèn)題：我們的渴望以及恐懼。
Transform comparison into celebration
將攀比轉(zhuǎn)換成祝賀
Admiration and envy are responses that point us toward what we value most. And when we become aware of what we value, we are much better positioned to create a life that’s richly satisfying。
欣賞和嫉妒能夠反應(yīng)出我們最重視的是什么。然后當(dāng)我們意識(shí)到我們重視什么的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)更好地創(chuàng)造完全令人滿(mǎn)意的生活。
If you notice yourself admiring people who take creative risks, bring your full attention to the part of you that wants to dare more greatly. If you catch yourself envying the folks in your circles who are at ease with self-promotion, take some time to reflect on how you might share your triumphs in a way that feels totally YOU. Heck, if you’re obsessing over tennis players’ forearms, it could be a sign that you’re ready to revamp your fitness regime。
如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)你自己羨慕那些敢于創(chuàng)新冒險(xiǎn)的人，那么就將你自己的全副注意力放到你希望自己表現(xiàn)的更勇敢的部分。如果你覺(jué)得自己嫉妒身邊那些善于推銷(xiāo)自己的人，那么就拿出一點(diǎn)時(shí)間來(lái)反思你會(huì)如何以一種完全屬于自己的方式來(lái)分享你的成功。如果你沉溺于羨慕網(wǎng)球運(yùn)動(dòng)員強(qiáng)有力的手臂，這有可能表明你準(zhǔn)備修改你的健身計(jì)劃。
Use the Success of Others As a Mirror
將別人的成功當(dāng)做一面鏡子
Comparison can be a dark, stuck place, but only if you let it be. There’s gold to be found in your comparison habit, if you’re willing to look for it. The light we see in others can help us see our own – and appreciate it。
只有在你任由其發(fā)展的情況下，攀比才是陰暗、無(wú)法擺脫的。然而如果你愿意去關(guān)注它，攀比習(xí)慣還是有可取之處的。發(fā)現(xiàn)別人身上的光芒可以幫助我們認(rèn)識(shí)自己，欣賞自己。
So the next time you catch yourself admiring or envying someone’s success, gifts, or particular brand of radiance，take a moment to consider:
因此，下次你再羨慕或者嫉妒別人的成功、禮物或者特定的名品時(shí)，想想以下問(wèn)題：
What qualities in them inspire me?
他們身上的什么品質(zhì)刺激了我?
Where do I currently embody these qualities?
目前我身上有這些品質(zhì)嗎?
How might my expression of these qualities differ from theirs?
我表現(xiàn)出這些品質(zhì)會(huì)跟他們有如何的不同呢?
What can I learn from my desire to embody these qualities more fully?
我能從自己內(nèi)心的渴望之中學(xué)到些什么來(lái)更全面地表現(xiàn)這些品質(zhì)?
