新概念雙語：戀愛小貼士：初次約會(huì)的4個(gè)技巧

1.Talk Travel,Not Movies

1.談旅游，別談電影

Ina study by Richard Wiseman, less than 9% ofcouples that talked movies wanted a second date vs 18% of couplesthat talked about travel。

在理查德·懷斯曼做的一項(xiàng)研究中，想要第二次約會(huì)的人中，雙方談?wù)撾娪暗牟坏?%，而雙方談?wù)撀眯械恼剂?8%。

When talkingabout movies, less than 9 percent of the pairs wanted to meet upagain, compared to 18 percent when participants spoke about the toptopic—travel… theconversations about travel tended to revolve around great holidaysand dream destinations, and that makes people feel good and soappear more attractive to one another。

如果約會(huì)時(shí)談?wù)撾娪?，那只有不?%的約會(huì)雙方會(huì)想再次見面，相比之下，如果談?wù)撀糜?，就?8%的人想要第二次約會(huì)…關(guān)于旅游的對話往往圍繞著休閑的假期和夢想的旅游勝地而展開，旅游度假這個(gè)話題使人感覺良好，這個(gè)話題能讓雙方都互相更有吸引力。

2.It’sNot Just What You Talk About, It’s How YouTalk

2.不在于你談什么，而在于你怎么談

Add to what theysay and bounce the ball back.This is how to have smooth first dateconversation。

把對方談的話題進(jìn)行補(bǔ)充，再把問題拋給對方，進(jìn)行新一輪交流。這樣才是第一次約會(huì)順利交談?dòng)淇炝奶斓姆绞健?/p>

Avoid extremes inautonomy. Don’t dominate, butdon’t be a non-contributor either。

不要極端地把控話語權(quán)。不占主導(dǎo)地位，但也不要做完全被動(dòng)的角色。

3.ShareSecrets

分享秘密

Emotional,personal information exchange during first date conversationpromotes powerful feelings of connection。

第一次約會(huì)交流感情、互相交換個(gè)人信息能大大促進(jìn)感情的聯(lián)系。

A psychologist atthe State University of New York at Stony Brook, is interested inhow people form romantic relationships, and he’s come up withan ingenious way of taking men and women who havenever met before and making them feel close to one another. Giventhat he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels thattypically take weeks, months, or years to form, he accelerated thegetting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questionscrafted to take the participants rapidly from level one inMcAdams’s system to level two。

紐約州立大學(xué)斯托尼布魯克分校的一位心理學(xué)家對于人們是如何形成浪漫關(guān)系這方面的研究很感興趣，他想出了一個(gè)巧妙的計(jì)策把從來沒有見過面的男女讓他們感覺彼此親近。通常需要幾周、幾個(gè)月或幾年的時(shí)間才能產(chǎn)生親密感，而通過這一策略用一小時(shí)左右的時(shí)間就可以，他通過制定了一組問題，包括36個(gè)問題對參與者進(jìn)行測試，就加速了美好感覺的產(chǎn)生過程，在麥克亞當(dāng)斯的系統(tǒng)中，級別迅速從一級提升到二級。

But how effectivecan this be, really?

但效果到底如何?真有這么神奇嗎?

In under an hourit can create a connection stronger than a lifelongfriendship。

在一個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)建立起來的感情比終身友誼的感情更強(qiáng)烈。

What he found wasstriking. The intensity of the dialogue partners’ bond at the end ofthe forty-five-minute vulnerability interaction was rated as closerthan the closest relationship in the lives of 30 percent of similarstudents. In other words, the instant connectionswere more powerful than many long-term, even lifelongrelationships。

他的發(fā)現(xiàn)非常驚人。45分鐘的對話時(shí)間結(jié)束雙方所建立起來的親密感，類似30%的學(xué)生在生活中行成的最親密的感情。換句話說，即時(shí)建立起來的親密感超越了許多長期培養(yǎng)的感情，甚至比終身培養(yǎng)起來的感情還要強(qiáng)大。

4.ChooseControversial Over Dull Every Time

4.每次約會(huì)的爭論氣氛勝于沉悶氣氛

If all elsefails, talk about abortions and STD’s。

如果其他話題都爭論不起來的話，爭論一下墮胎和性病傳播這類問題。

Forcing people todiscuss interesting but more controversial topics made for moreenjoyable first date conversation。

迫使大家討論有意思但更有爭議性的話題，營造這樣的氣氛會(huì)讓第一次約會(huì)交談的氣氛更令人愉快。

We limited thetype of discussions that online daters could engage in byeliminating their ability to ask anything that they wanted andgiving them a preset list of questions andallowingthem to ask only thesequestions. The questions we chose had nothing to do with theweather and how many brothers and sisters they have, and insteadall the questions were interesting and personally revealing(ie.,“how many romantic partners did you have?”， “When was yourlast breakup?”， “Do you have any STDs?”， “Have you ever brokensomeone’s heart?”， “How do you feel about abortion?”)… Instead oftalking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they sharedtheir innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.Everyone, both sender and replier, was happier with theinteraction…What we learned from this little experiment is thatwhen people are free to choose what type of discussions they wantto have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy tomaintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefitsfrom。我們對網(wǎng)上交友者所討論的話題限定類型，不允許想問什么就問什么，把可以問的問題給他們列出一個(gè)表，只允許他們問這些問題。我們選擇的問題與天氣無關(guān)，也不問有多少兄弟姐妹，所有的問題都很有意思，而且都能從問題的回答中看出每個(gè)人的個(gè)性(如，“你談過多少次戀愛?”“你上一次分手是什么時(shí)候?”“你有性病嗎?”“你傷過別人的心嗎?”“你對墮胎這個(gè)問題怎么看?”)…不談?wù)撌澜绫蜃约合矚g的甜點(diǎn)，分享彼此內(nèi)心深處的恐懼或者告訴對方自己失身的秘密。每個(gè)人既要向?qū)Ψ街v述自己的故事也要傾聽對方的傾訴，進(jìn)行快樂互動(dòng)…我們從這個(gè)小實(shí)驗(yàn)中可以了解到大家自由選擇自己想要討論什么話題，他們往往傾向平衡易于維護(hù)，但不會(huì)從中體驗(yàn)到真正的愉悅感受或從中受益。